I have now lost two dear friends, and I am growing old !

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. ( I am closing in on 50) ... I was taken
aback, for I do not think of myself as old.  I always feel as if I just turned 18.   Upon seeing my reaction, she was
immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question,
and I would ponder it, and let her know.
Old Age, I decided, is a gift.
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always
wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body,the wrinkles,
the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt.? And often I am taken aback by that old
person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother), but I don't agonize
over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my
loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become
more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not
making my bed, or for buying that silly cement garden boy that I didn't need, but looks
so avante garde on my porch. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be
extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon;
before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer
until 4 AM and sleep until noon
I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at
the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over abulging body,
and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying
glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful, I call is "MAD COW DIESEASE" (instead of short term memory). But there again, some of the things I have done in my life is just as
well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. (okay with help).
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break
when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when your beloved pet dies. But broken hearts are what give us strength and
understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and
will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to
have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many
have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other
people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like
the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still
here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about
what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel
like it) ... and then again I might surprise myself and really get into the fitness group, but I am not going to hold my breath on that one! I have a wonderful daughter, son in law, and four beautiful granddaughters.   I am old enough to be a good loving Grandmother ... its all I have ever wanted. I have lived an interesting, fun, and at times painful life, but with what I have gained ... I will die happy!



"If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live"